someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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