He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this will be a night to untag.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
