thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
