i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
