Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
