hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize