It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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