Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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