im about as happy as oj after his trial
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
