I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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