hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
