so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
