maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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