If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
