the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
