I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
