so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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