That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
