I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
