he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
