It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
