thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i came on her dog
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
