This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
