he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
