I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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