I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
