After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize