Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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