I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
