I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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