Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize