I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
