Non-Jews are for practice
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I AM VODKA MAN
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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