Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
