he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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