Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize