maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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