i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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