i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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