So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
