I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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