it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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