paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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