i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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