I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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