I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
