You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
