ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize