We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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