So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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