My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
NoShamevember. You game?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
