2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
