So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
