He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
