he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize