Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
