I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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