I hate your face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
