if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you just see the Batmobile???
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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