I'm gonna have a badass scar
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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