His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
