My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
