i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
