we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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