My hand turned me down
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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