I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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