About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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