So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
