I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
