I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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