Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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