i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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