I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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