do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
