Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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