I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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