I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
