standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What drink are we having for lunch?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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