I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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