it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
