are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
