dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
