isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
