So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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