We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
