he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
