I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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