I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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