i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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