ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You don't make any sense
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