got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
