We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
