So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
