I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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