Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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